News that caught my eyes this week

Happy Friday everyone. I hope everyone is as happy as I am that this week has come to an end and finally payday has arrived.

One shocking event caught my eyes earlier this week was the death of Xolile Mngeni who had been convicted of murdering Ani Dewani at the request of her newly wed husband. He died in prison after being diagnosed with a brain tumor and denied medical parole.

OR Thambo's statue in Bizana was burnt by striking community members. I just can't stress enough how I find this act criminal. Is there no other way to show disgruntle without destroying property? Poverty should never amount to criminality.

In Entertainment, I miss Generations shem. I lately find myself having to chat to the people in my house at 8:00 PM every week evening. however, I am not sure if I will warm up to seeing Karabo Moroka and Tau Mogale back on my screen again.

With all that said, what are we TOLAH-Picing today? someone (ME) mentioned degrees. I hope my Cornerstone HR Call Centre Certificate qualifies.

TOLAH assist: Adopt a baby in jail this festive season

Mercy on Christmas for babies behind bars is a project that aims to uplift the spirits of the babies and their mothers during the Christmas season. 

I am encouraging everyone to donate all kinds of goodies for these innocent souls. I had an experience of giving birth and raising a child behind those walls. So I know what a bleak Christmas they are facing. I am appealing for all kinds of items ranging from clothing, toys, baby formula, bottles, baby food, toiletries, nappies, waterproofs etc. I'm also requesting for toiletries for their mothers as well. 


For more information on this project and if you would like to lend a helping hand, please contact boitumelodammies@gmail.com   

This initiative is co-ordinated by Bokang Katlego Home project. A registered and functional organisation. NPO 009-944 founded in 2001. The NGO is based in Protea North Soweto. 

The birth of TOLAH

Last week it was decided that our home will no longer be addressed as trollsonline.com as we need to up our game and be in par with the cool kids to be marketable to the corporate people. New names were suggested, only to find that the popular ones were already taken and the non-taken ones were either too difficult to pronounce and spell or sounded different from what we are about.

So, I have been playing around with a few ideas, first: tol.com (trollsonline.com) but there was something similar. And then there was tah.com (trollsathome.com) which also has something similar out there. And then TOLAH.com came to mind. It’s just that I did not wannna rename it so it moves away from the original idea of how we came about. Plus it sounds like the Zulu word “thola” (y’all know I love my Zulu people).

According to a survey I conducted with the tech team and other top trolls, TOLAH seemed quite welcomed. Final touch ups such as the website and logo designs will be communicated as soon as the tech team has finalised their side of things…….. In the meantime happy getting used to TOLAH!!!!!!!

by QueenTroll

Celi_D has been getting some and she wants to share

When to have sex 

I give the worst sex advice, can’t ask a plumber how to fish!!

WHEN HORNY…This should not come as a surprise, when hornyngitis attacks you respond by letting your body sweat for that orgasm. This is the best time to have sex because you are horny and your body is willing to put morals aside and let go. You don’t always have to have sex when horny cause your thing might fall off. Guys are always horny, everyime I stare at their crotches it is always erect. Don’t ask me why I keep staring at people’s crotches … I just do, I honesty have no idea why. It is normal, everybody does it. Do not aqrgue just accept!

WHEN THERE IS AN OPPORTUNITY… Sometimes, you might be horny but don’t have the opportunity to respond to your body wanting to sin. If there is an opportunity and you have a willing partner, nothing should be stopping you from getting that orgasm. If you are at a cinema and it is a bit empty and you are horny, honestly? Get it over and done with.

WHEN YOU ARE SPONTANEOUS… Planning ruin things, why can’t we be spontaneous and just do things if and when we feel like it, doesn’t matter where or with whom, lol …Okay the last part matters. Can’t be giving out your nunu just like that, it may be ugly but it still deserves respect. To be honest it is ugly, no need to lie about that. Sometimes when I talk to it I think it’s going to answer back.

WHEN YOU BECOME TOO STUBBORN… When that happens, just know that you are suffering from salt. You need to sort yourself out and get laid. Can’t be walking around as a seasoner, where is your self-respect? I am told they don’t need salt when I am around, they just need the meat cause I will provide the free salt to season the meat… I don’t have friends that love me. Such mean things to say about a sweet nunu like me.

WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP… When you find yourself in one of those I love you but can’t marry you type of unions, you need to give that man sex. All day everyday because sex is what involved people have to forget their problems and help them cope. Not cope the party, nah, that’s just gross. You have no business being celibate when you have a man, walking around with salt and you have a person… not right, fix that, fix your life.

WHEN YOU HATE SEX… Okay, something is definitely wrong with your ass!! Why do you hate sex? Who gave you the permission to hate sex? Is that not a sin? Don’t tell me about asexual things when you know damn well I am black and therefore sex solves every little thing. You have a problem of hating sex, my solution, have more sex with better people and we will talk after. Thyi! I doubt these asexual beings exist hey, when you have sex with someone and they tell you they are asexual, it is their polite way of saying you suck in bed and they rather finger themselves than give you their nunu.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS… When someone offers to give you an orgasm, you do not decline, unless you are in a relationship. Orgasms are healthy, if you don’t believe me go ask your family Dr and they are offering because they can see you are lacking in that department. Such generous people should not be ignored hey. They are doing their part in making the world a better place, stubborn and salty people are dangerous and always angry over petty issues, ask my friends, they will give you the lowdown.

WHEN YOU HATE THE PERSON… The solution to every type of hate under the sun is sex. You must sex that person until they learn to love you. Why are we walking around hating other kids when we can sex them? With that said, I still hate Theo Walcott. *sighs* Life is too short to not want to sex your enemies. Ever noticed how almost all the people we hate are hot? Might be… sexual frustrations hey. Get that sorted as soon as possible.

WHEN YOU ARE IN LOVE… Yes love is beautiful and all that crap but you still need to have sex hey. Relationship can’t survive on butterflies alone; those butterflies need to be fed Le Dique. Whip that thing out and love her with it. One thing about being in love is the fact that you don’t really see or care if your partner sucks in bed, so you don’t have to worry if you know you are not good hey. She will overlook everything but will tell the whole community should you cheat with her. Guys with the weakest pipe game are always cheating; I fail to understand why it is like that. You give him sex today and tomorrow he is with Sarafina and the next Dorah. And that time he can’t even last five minutes without crying. Haha why do guys cry kanti?

WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK… Nothing beats drunk sex with the person you love. I am sure we have all experienced such. Both of you become instant acrobats and can do any position imaginable. Good thing about this is the morning after… the pains? Funny but they make for good memories. You wake up with bruises all over, that’s if it was rough sex, if you don’t wake up with any pains then you are doing it wrong. How are you still acting like a nun when you are drunk?

WHEN YOU WANT TO EXPERIMENT… Sometimes emotion has got nothing to do with why you want to have sex. sometimes it is just for that experience with that person or in a certain environment. Like having sex in a moving car/taxi, cinema and the likes. I keep repeating cinema…

WHEN A BOY HAS A DICK YOU WANT… A penis is beautiful and wonderful to look at. Why wouldn’t I want to have it inside me? It is of majestic structure,when it gives you the stand ovation… to show how much it respects you, even its veins show up. When you touch it you feel a sudden rush of warm blood that runs straight to your clitoris. The penis’ head is godly made, I would like to believe it (alone) can bring world peace. The middle east just needs a bit slap with a penis’ head and all will be solved. When penis is erect, almost everything stops and bows… it is a beautiful occurrence, nature is good to us. And when it suddenly stands just by touching the guy? arg… A dick that curves can cure cancer! People will claim chemotherapy helped them no sweety, it is the curved penis.
WHEN YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT… Exercising is boring, I have been doing it ever since the beginning of the year and it is not helping. I have read somewhere that sexercising is the better option. No fat is too clingy for sex. Wanna get rid of those annoying love handles, cellulite and stretch marks? Get laid and forget about Herbex, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t hlasela for everyone and I am living proof.  I am still a size 34 :-( and my tummy has a mind of its own.

 by Celi-D

Weekend Troll Summe(ry)

My weekend in a paragraph

Another blue Monday and today is actually one of those days when I wish I was at the office, instead I’m studying my butt off and nothing is sticking. I am so stressed nje I can’t even cry. Even the midnight and 3am prayers are not gonna help this time. Oh well we shall see…………..

I hope you guys had a more exciting weekend. What did y’all get up to? 

by QueenTroll