Happy Monday

Happy Monday trolls. Oh what a bummer for you if you are reading this from your workplace. It means u are slaving while we are drinking. #DrunkLifeThings.

Anyway, hope you ain't feeling all that bad that you are the only one not bizi spending bonuses tsa bontate badikontraka le bo dhedhi kiiiii

What did you ladies get up to this weekend?

By Queen Troll

Love, Light and Happiness…

As the year draws to an end, I have been looking back at my year, the joys and struggles it has brought and I have realised that there is so much that I still carry with me that weighs me down. Tough times that I brushed off, things I never fully let myself feel, in order for me to let go, forgive and heal. See the thing about life is, it doesn’t stop for you to face tough times, everyone carries on and we get so busy trying to make a living, and somehow someway you find a way to carry on without actually dealing with your demons.

I know a lot of us have been through a lot whether it’s this year or the past years and I know we still carry so much of our pain with us on a daily basis, without acknowledging it and without letting it go. And each year adds on, its own burdens and scars to our hearts. So my article today is more of a prayer, for each and every one of us.

 I pray that we find healing in all that has happened in our past that we learn to let go of yesterday and its burdens to start anew. To let go of all that weighs down on our hearts and minds. To forgive ourselves for whatever pain or struggle we have, to forgive those who have wronged us in anyway. To no longer devote our energy and thoughts on things, memories and even people that bring us misery. And to move on from things that no longer bring us happiness. I pray for strength for each and every one of us and to overcome our demons, to face whatever life throws at us. For us to acknowledge our pains and struggles and let them go, so they no longer have power over our lives, no matter how difficult our past has been. To learn to build ourselves with our thoughts and to use words to build others, because these are very powerful tools. I pray for healing in all our lives, for hope and for us to keep faith, with the knowledge that whatever trials we may be facing, they are just temporary. I pray that whatever is broken in our lives can be mended. I pray over our jobs, relationships, families and all that is dear to our hearts, that it is protected and prospers.

I pray for love, light and happiness in all that we do. And remember, whatever is good for your soul and feels right for you do that, always. No matter what the world says.

Happy festive Ladies ♥

Love,

Draya

New Year's Resolutions

In a few days, we will be bidding farewell to the year that was 2014 and welcoming the freshness that is 2015. Resolutions will be made, broadcast to whoever is patient enough to hear our wishful thinking but most will be forgotten within the first weeks of the year.

A lot of smokers will "quit" smoking, only to fall off the wagon within a month of the new year. The gyms are going to enjoy fresh new subscribers who will attend all of 1 month's worth of gym and come up with reasons why those gym doors will not be entered until January 2016. My favorite is the "January non-drinkers", oh boooooooy do they make me laugh. And then there are those people who vow to change the way they act/ do things in the new year only to remain the same.

I, for one never make resolutions yet am the first to ask people what theirs are just for a good inside giggle.

Do you ladies make resolutions? What are yours this year? What are you hoping to change and what are you hoping to leave behind midnight on the 31st December 2014?

by Quee Troll

Happy Pre-Monday

Hello Trolls, oh what a weekend I've had. Most of us are not at work today until Wednesday, while the bulk will be back ka January. I have beeen drinking guys and boy is alcohol nice!

I went to my grans on Saturday, came back ebusuku to have me some Ben time. Was never ready to realize I had no energy to go out at midnight and am embarassed to say I had to pull a stunt to avoid going out so I could sleep. Old age is a bitch. I am in Zola at some family msebenzi kabo Ben as I type this, the grownups made me stay instead of following Ben to a soccer match, I hope @Yellowbone is not there playing cheerleader in my place. Was hoping to hook up with Zesty but she's acting up sooooo....

Anyway, what did you guys get up to?

By Queen Troll

Happy Holidays, Safe Travelling and See you soon

Today is the last day of work for most of you. Evident is by the way these streets have become quiet and the mood light and cheery.

I won't write an article in paragraphs because I know Ain't Nobody Got Time for that. So, how's about we start with the TOLAH pics? As agreed, we are doing your going away luggage, bags and whatever you are taking on your holiday with.

Happy holidays and I hope we will all meet here in the new year.

by Queen Troll

Well, that's awkward

How embarrassing. So I have sabotaged myself! There I was, trying to do a nice thing by making changes in the background. And before you know it, I can't find the website. I can't use the saved link to get onto Trollsonline.com. I have updated the changes to go live without even noticing!

Panic mode hits me, it's like I am suffocating because I realize what I just did. I have replaced our old blog link with a new one. Heavenly Father, what a disaster! My phone starts vibrating and I now have to explain to angry bloggers what's going on, mind you I don't know what's up myself, nor do I know how to handle it.

At this stage I know I must either fix this or kiss my blogging life goodbye, along with the guilt of taking away a chill spot for many bloggers who call this home. Thank goodness for quick thinking, I managed to get hold of a few bloggers that I know will pass on the new link.

This, has been my most embarrassing calamity in a while. What's yours? What is your most clumsy WTF moment that you can remember?

by Queen Troll

Finding Happiness...... HOOORAAAAY

 In my quest for true happiness I have come across some of the most desolate realities of the world and I am yet to fathom what “true” happiness really is. It feels as though I had no plan or a format on how to go about it but worse it feels as though I was not prepared for the findings or the aftermath that would be encountered…..so let me just say the happiness I was looking for is not the kind that you get out of a relationship neither is it the one that you find in a friendship, it’s not the kind that you get from your partner or family…SO WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR KAHLEKAHLE?…....the one that you impose on people and hope to get it back in abundance….

I have liked, loved, lost and given a second chance only to lose again. I have put myself last for the sake of that happiness that I so yearn….….i have neglected my sixth sense and woman’s intuition to give yet another chance only to realize that the happiness I so want does not rely on that but totally relies upon me. Happiness has taught me never to seek but to accept and it shall be bestowed upon me. I loved him because he gave me hope and just like any other gal out there he made me laugh and I mistook that laughter for happiness and I was sure that was what I wanted but this was short-lived as I realized that happiness is more than just a state of mind it has to be felt and lived.

My search for happiness has been a very emotional, sad, fulfilling, devastating and promising excursion, as  I looked into the eyes of duplicity and I stared into the eyes of aptitudes and i felt the fear of solitude, I realized that happiness is a state of being…..being content with what you have …yes it is not more than what your neighbour has and yes it does not amount to the ones your friends have but then again how do we measure happiness, how do we even begin to assert  just how happy we are?……….

I have realized that for the mere fact that I’m searching for happiness and not a cure for some sort of illness or trying to “bring world peace” (as per our Miss what what). I don’t have a deadly disease nor do I have any family member on death row or dying ………. I’m happy DAMMIT I should STOP looking for it for it has found me, I don’t need to worry myself to a stupor and give myself grey hair in the process… I AM HAPPY…….HAPPINESS lives within me, all that I need to do is embrace it………..

I AM HAPPY AND MY SEARCH FOR HAPINESS IS OVERJJ

By: Manosh

*Hey There Santa

This year things are a bit different between us. It is not me, it is you!

I will not be leaving any milk and cookies out for you this year. You don’t need them, I mean have you looked at the size of your belly lately? Instead I will leave hidden salad ingredients all over the house and yard. Good luck finding them and whatever you do find you will have to eat. You have no problem with veggies, do you Santa?

You may not come down the chimney on our roof. Really, are you honestly not familiar with doors even today? Why the hell do you prefer potentially harming people’s property just so that you can leave cheap presents that nobody ever wants? I will leave the door open for you and you WILL need to use the door just like the rest of us. Roof repair costs are expensive and I need not remind you how there is a recession refusing to end out there.

Those animals must stay in the yard. There are kids around and I will be too drunk throughout the festive season to care enough to explain to them why there are flying, talking deer in the house. 

Maybe it is time to hook yourself up with a better mode of transport? Look Santa I understand that the reindeer have worked for you thus far, but do you know that animals have rights too these days? And I also know you have access to all these fancy gadgets so there’s no excuse. And to make the poor things transport your big-bellied ass all over the world is just wrong. I also think getting a plane; for example; would even be quicker than riding on those animals.

And Santa, i am aware that every time you come around you call me names. Yes, you keep saying "Hoe Hoe Hoe!" It is not ok. From now on, next time you chant that, I will not rub your tummy! Also, I think it is quite strange that you ask the kids to sit on your lap, please bring plastic chairs next time you visit. 

Lastly, Santa! RSA is very hot in Summer (Christmas), so can you try to maybe dress accordingly. Shaving might not be too bad either, who knows you might just get yourself a young lady to help assist you with all those deliveries instead of all those beasts you surround yourself with.

*a recycle of an old poem I did a while back

by Queen Troll

Happy Monday guys.

Happy Monday guys, hope y'all had a busy one. Gone are the days when weekends were relaxing, I swear I am more relaxed in the office lately than over the weekends.

My weekend started off on an emotional note. Drunk phoned my ex and confessed why we can't be together. OMW, all I can say about that episode is TJO!!! Friday evening I packed my bags and was ready to move out. Of course I had nowhere or real intentions to go so it's a good thing all that followed was some steamy making up. Saturday I gate crashed a wedding, guys weddings are the in thing in the hood at the moment. And I'm not talking small scale, I'm talking Top Billing type of do's. Sunday I woke up and pulled off all stops in the kitchen and I'm ending it with a trip to the movies.

What did you ladies get up to?

By Queen Troll

Starting a business: Advice from the NYDA

A while back, there was a request for a business advice post. So I went hunting for people in the know, bumped into Linda who is a communications specialist & Unathi who is an Investment analyst at the NYDA. This is what they had to say in response to my questions, I hope it has covered most of the FAQ's in the house.

The NYDA offers different financial and non-financial services under "Economic Development division". (Please follow the links at the end of this article for more information on each division.)*

I asked Linda what the first thing they would advise young people wanting to go into business would be, her response was that one need to know what they want before even considering starting a business. It is not up to the NYDA to decide what business path would be suitable for an entrepreneur, but for said entrepreneur to approach them already with a business idea & plan at hand.

The most common mistakes that potential entrepreneur make is copying already existing ideas. It is always advised that one tries very hard to come up with new ideas, the NYDA encourages this. Linda used an example of people opening a spaza shop that is the same as an already existing one in the same street, selling the same products at the same price as the already existing to compete for the same customers. This can lead to failure of an enterprise as the new comer offers nothing new to a market that might already be saturated. She advised; instead; to rather come up with better, improved or even newer ways of conducting business instead of going with "what has always worked" approach. Another common mistake young entrepreneurs tend to make is not separating a business entity from the physical person running or even owning the enterprise. This is the main reason that most small businesses never grow beyond this point. As soon as a small business starts making money, you will find that the owner uses the money for personal use such as buying flashy cars instead of using it for business growth. This can also lead to business failure as funds then become misused and the business becomes unsustainable.

In a case where an entrepreneur does not qualify for funding, the NYDA does not turn the applicants away, but instead refers them to one the different programmes on offer to help them either come up with a better idea of their proposal or even mentor and assist with business sustainability researches.

On non-profit organisations, one blogger wanted to know if all 5 signatories should be involded in the day to day running of the business and the response was yes. These are founding members therefore have to be involved on a full-time basis.

*Business Consultancy Services (voucher) Proggramme: http://www.nyda.gov.za/Business-Consultancy-Services-Programme/Pages/default.aspx
*Business Opportunity Support Services: http://www.nyda.gov.za/Business-Opportunities/Pages/default.aspx

*Mentorship Programme: http://www.nyda.gov.za/Volunteer-Business-Mentorship-Programme/Pages/default.aspx
*Entrepreneurship Development Programme: http://www.nyda.gov.za/Entrepreneurship-Development-Programme/Pages/default.aspx

by Queen Troll

TOLAH Book Club

In prep for the holidays I went and got me a few books last month for those moments when the anti-social bug hits me. I must say it had been a while since I read something with a plot, something that I can get burried for hours on end without losing interest.

One of the books I got and have started reading is "Killing Kebble: An Underworld Exposed" by Mandy Wiener, a 702 journalist who investigated and interviewed Brett Kebble's friends, business associates, family, employees, police men that are investigating the cases that involved Brett from when he was still alive and even politicians who were said to have been close the the gunned down mining magnet. It is almost like a virtual tour of the underground life lived by people merely perceived as big shot business men while they are actually leading a the type of life that we only see in movies.

The book uncovers some of the most interesting details on how politics, drugs and power almost always go hand in hand. In the first 200 pages, you will already be introduced to characters unlikely to be seen to mingle in the same circles, ie politicians, actresses, Jewish business men and drug lords. It also uncovers how power hunger can and does lead to greed which in turn will lead you to death as a greedy man will eventually step on toes to get whatever he wants. 

What impressed me more about the book, the author gives you a background of each character before getting to how they are part of the puzzle, she goes as far as telling you their childhood and upbringing, their status in society, etc

Also, there are just too many names big being dropped in the book. I am talking Jackie Selebi, Fikile Mbalula, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela and many more... It is un-put-down-able

I can't wait to finish it so I can start reading McIntosh Polela's "My father my monster". It looks very interesting too.

What are you ladies reading?

By Queen Troll

Share the festivities

There is no turning back. All things festive goes. All you see in offices are bodies whose souls are long on holiday. Plans are made and all we are doing is counting how many sleeps until that moment when we will log off, put the work laptop in the office safe and bid farewell to the boringness that is the work space.

It is that time of the year where relatives reunite, lovers get away on pre-honeymoonesque destinations, new makoti's will be getting introduced to their pre-families. Food and alcohol will be flowing; well until the 2nd January 2015 when mashonisa will be responsible to borrow us money to make January more bearable.

We are going on holiday and nothing will stop us. The famous question in the air by the water cooler that has replaced the weather talk is "so, where are you spending your Christmas hoildays" and we can't wait to retell our holiday plans over and over again to the same colleagues who also can't
wait to share their plans.

So I ask you; my dear friends; where are you off to this festive season? What are your holiday plans? Who's going away and who will be at what festival? Do share!

by Queen Troll

Holidays, mommies and their bundles of joy

Hey friend, so you and your kiddies are coming to visit for the holidays? I am so happy *rolls eyes* 

Regarding your kids, those precious little angels that you soooo adore very badly and love with all your hearts. They’re solely YOUR own and not mine. I am happy for you that God blessed you with this little munchkins, neh don’t get me wrong. But can we just address a few things here:

• The poo talk! I don’t care that your baby had liquid poo or whatever you will choose to call it today. It is gross, therefore you are a nasty person for even thinking that information is worth sharing. 
• Discipline your own, do I even need to tell you this? I don’t care what it is you have to do, but please keep your nana in check.
• I am not your baby sitter. Yes I definitely do mind so please let us not make this awkward by even asking. I did my share of baby sitting when I was in high school (and got paid for it) and that will be it for a life time. I thank you for understanding this.
• So baby Johno is pronouncing every second word wrong and you think it’s cute and find it in you to repeat the words back to me? First of all, I AM sitting right next to you, so yes I heard it. Can we move on from it now? secondly, it is not even cute by the way, it just means that baby Johno is having retarded issues. Teach him how to say things right before he grows up to be that funny kid who can’t speak right.
• The noise. If you do not make your kids keep quiet at crucial times like…. well I don’t know all the time, I will tell them about the tooth fairy, Santa etc. You don’t believe? try me.
• Yes you adore the rascals, but can we move away from talking about them 24/7? I am not about that life, therefore I do not understand why all conversations revolve around them. Let’s rather talk about the length of time it takes for grass to grow, it excites better.
• The toys all over the place. My friend, how do I even say this to you? It is not ok. Ever stepped on a Lego block? imagine, now that that block belongs to someone else’s kid. Yes, I will get violent if it happens so we can avoid this situation by keeping the toys out of sight. better yet stop being stingy and buy your kids TV games. By TV games I mean PSP, this will ensure that they stay well out of sight while playing that.
• That baby talk you do. Why? Can your baby not understand normal talk. What is this “kaakaaaa” shit you do? Now we know who’s baby won’t grow up to be a rocket scientist!
• Lastly, I do not want to see a sight of your toddler’s used nappy. It needs to remain a myth to me!

Happy holidaying from Queen Troll

Woza Dhizemba

Ayeye Ke Dizemba boss! Everything looks nice and everyone seems carefree as the festive spirit has arrived with full force and you can figuratively smell it in the air.

With all that being said, today is World Aids day. Most of us are affected by this epidemic. We either know someone infected or; Lord forbid; are infected by it. HIV/AIDS is no longer as taboo as it used to be, nor is it a death sentence. Some of the people I know are living positively with it. Those of us who are fortunate enough to have evaded the sickness so far, let's pull together to support those who are infected and affected and also stay responsible to minimise the chances of contracting it.  

Now that the responsible side is sorted, what ratchetness did y'all get up to this past weekend?

by Queen Troll

Your Beauty Questions Answered

Recently, I had a chat with Tammy Lloyd, the principal of Beauty Therapy Institute in Randburg regarding some your beauty questions that we could not answer on the blog. See below:

Flawless

A good cleansing routine; according to Tammy; is very important as it helps keep the skin looking younger and healthier. One should make it mandatory to cleanse, tone and moisturize twice daily. On top of that, you should also put on an SPF, eye cream over 25 and mask twice a week. It is also very important to get into this routine early even before cracks start to show instead of starting it after the skin starts to be problematic. Prevention is always better than cure!

Using professional products is your best bet as they are more active and are designed to deal with specified skin problems, this is in answer to the blogger who's hydrating serum and moituriser still left her skin dry. Tammy also recommends drinking a lot of water to help keep your skin looking and feeling healthy since beauty does indeed start from the inside. 

On Make up, Tammy says: to achieve the "barely there" makeup look, less is more. One should always insist on a foundation colour that is most suitable for your skin tone. Do not be shy to ask a cosmetic consultant to try out a few shades until you get one that matches your skin tone. 

On Mascara and eyeliner Tammy advises that one should work with the eyeliner on the outside of the eye where the lashes grow and not in the inside of an eye lid to "open up" the eyes. Use a natural colour like brown or black and smudge with an ear bud to soften up the lines. Use a minimum of 14 coats of mascara to lengthen and thicken eyelashes but do allow time for the mascara to dry up in between coats. (this is where I thank nature, 14 coats for whaaaaaaat....)

Most of all, pretty also comes from within. A gorgeous face only lights up when the person in possession is as pleasant to converse with!

Beauty Therapy Institute is a modular Beauty Training Institute that offers ITEC International certificates or Diplomas which you can study for at your own pace, time and around your schedule.  For more information and if you are interested in studying at Beauty Therapy Institute, you can contact Tammy: tammy@beautytherpayinstitute.co.za 

by Queen Troll

Tom Ford Fragrance launch

On Tuesday I went to the Tom Ford what what, yes what what! They are not paying us to do this. Ngiyadlala, it was a fragrance launch at the Mall of Rosebank, Sturtterfords. 

Bling Bling Bey Bey

As you can expect, the venue was tiny, after registration you got a glass of bubbly as a welcome drink, I stuck to this DOP the whole night. There was a bar if you preferred other types of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. Finger food was served throughout the night, mains were couscous and chicken curry.

When it comes to Tom Ford, the only thing I own is the white patchouli perfume, which I treasure. I discovered that they have a lipstick range, for R500.00 a pop, I’m definitely not their target market, but if you can afford it, it’s a nice thing to own and chomela your friends with while they are busy ngeMac. Oh, and bathi it has some healing properties 0_O. We tested the things that were on display, I particularly like the Shanghai Lily perfume, because I prefer summery scents. 

It was a nice do with the who’s who of the jozi celebrity likers and bloggers. Eugene and Boity arrived together, so the rumour might be true. Eugene is extremely short bathong, I wonder if uyakwazi ukuKuka uBoity njengoba ethick kanje. Lerato Kganyago was there wearing the Lamanche/Uncle Allie orange jumper. She was not wearing a bra, she has nice boobs though but it looked unsightly because she kept on pulling it to cover up. The make-up was too much, maybe that’s what they call night make-up. If you asked me, I’d say she looked like a contestant on RuPaul’s show but then again maybe it looks good on photos. 

Don't ask, but I am sure there is a reason I took this pic. Damn alcohol

Jen Sue was also there looking all kinds of wrong in a shaddy outfit with a hat that looked like a spoti. Pro and Wife were there, they are a cute couple, also spotted Jerry the blogger, he wore jeans, doctor martins and a knitted top that showed his man boobs, Yuk

A man bearing gifts!!!!

The show started and some guy from Tom Ford Paris made a speech, yawn! We were shown a video of the Tom Ford ranges, Fashion, beauty and accessories. Thereafter there was a draw, if you had left your business card at registration then you stood a chance to win a prize. Maps and a guy by the name of Tinashe won the draws, there was also social media competition where if you got a lot of hits on twitter or Insta you could also win, Jen Sue won that one. Mxim! The network was so bad at the vanue for us MTN customers, so there was no twitting for us. I left early, so I might have missed some of the people worth talking about.

by Qondi

I love Music

I love love LOVE music, especially house music! Nana moaned the day we met that every song is “my song”! LOL. Mara that’s the power of music, just about every great or horrible moment in your life can be attached to a song. Like your first kiss, the time you lost your virginity, that first time you got dumped, or the first time you were involved in an accident… I have tonnes of musical memories, here are a few:

·         Whitney Houston “I’m your baby tonight” – this one played on NYE going into 1992, I was nearly four, I absolutely remember. My little cousin had just been born and my uncle had lost his eye defending my mom during a robbery…I love that song!

·         Marvin Gaye “Let’s get it on” – the only time in my life I have ever seen my grandparents dance, was to this song, I think it was the night of my under grad graduation. That memory is etched in my heart forever!

·         Two Tons of Fun “Just Us” – two weeks before my grandfather died we had a party and they played this song, he got up and danced and asked the DJ to play it again, we danced with him – our very last dance with him.

·         Lauryn Hill “Zion” – from the very moment I learnt I was pregnant, that song meant so much more to me, still does, reminds me of an other-worldly love, difficult to describe, but amazing…

·         Donald Sheffrey and Nastee Nev “Hung Up” – this one reminds me of my little cousin who passed on, she didn’t know it and I taught it to her, one night it played and we lost our minds! That was the last night of sheer madness, she passed on that December

I could go on forever and ever, but I’d like ya’ll to share yours! What are your songs? Or your memories linked to music?

by Loulou

It is not my monkey

Lately I have had to deal with friends and family that owe me money. Friendships have been tarnished, family members stopped speaking and lovers have been known to go sour on their spouse all because of money issues. All because one has borrowed the other money and pay back becomes a literal bitch...

There is no one size fits all solution when it comes to this but one thing is certain though, money and relationships never went together. I am not talking TTT here, I am talking "borrow me R1500.00 ya miriri I will pay you back month end." I have come up with a way to handle these money issues in relationships, friendships and family:

I don't have to help. I do not need to feel guilty either, we all have our problems bandla and Lord knows I am not a charity.

It is not my monkey. Your circus your animals, handle it on your own. If you are really desperate I know a guy who can help, bomashonisa are in business for a reason


Make the terms clear. When my BFF asked me to give her hair on credit and lend hair money to get the hair installed, I never discussed the terms. she turned around and told me that we did not set a deadline and I knew then that she is broke so how must she pay me back when I know her financial crisis. Like.....OK

Have some form of leverage. So when my BFF moved out I told her to leave the fridge as we were using it and mine was at my (now) ex's house. when she wanted to collect I told her that I had no issues, provided she brings the hair money. I am now a Samsung fridge richer.

Have your own issues too. As soon as someone starts telling me their issues, I have learnt to be to share mine too before said person gets to a point where they need my help.

Basically, I have learnt to avoid lending money by all means, it does not end well and more often than not, I have had people end up not talking to me because I lent them MY money when their scronny asses were desperate

by Queen Troll

My weekend in one paragraph

Happy Monday guys. I hope you all had a fab weekend. This is the lastest week before the festive; Dhizemba;  kicks in. I can feel it in my blood and this time it is not the wine causing the tingle in my sprinkle.

Nothing exciting hapened to me this weekend. We spent the better part of it moving small stuffs from our place to mamazala's. Moving is such  drag and thank God for red wine because, well, wine makes everything easy in life.

Anyway, what exciting things did y'all get up to?

By Queen Troll

Save the date

First came the TOLAH blog,
Then came the TOLAH Twitter Account...

And now comes the TOLAH Picnic

We are delighted to announce
that on Saturday, 13th December 2014 we will be having our very first event "The TOLAH Picnic"

Please make sure to save this date
We hope that you will be able to share in our special day of joy and celebration.

If you would like to be part of this event please send and email to tolahevents@gmail.com and a formal invitation and more details will be sent to you.

By TOLAH events team

Childhood memories that had me and my girls ROTFLAO

So the other day for some reasons my girls and I had a chuckle about things that we did when growing up. From grown-up treatments towards us, punishments and life nje as a kid in the... well before year 2000. Let me share some of my kiddie memories and I hope you guys will share yours, just for a chuckle

Pet Childhood hates:

• Making my grandmother tea. We had electricity but granny was not about that life. There was a kettle on the fire coal all day, everyday. Your crime would be walking past her and BOY were you it. As soon as she went "Nana", I knew it was tea time.
• The visitors. Unfortunately I have grown up with this one. At home, as soon as a visitor landed we would have to chase a chicken to be slaughtered for them. Have you ever tried to catch a free range chicken? The commmotion, the stupid thing being on Viagra never helped anything either and no grown up understood why you can't catch a chicken live healthy cork.
• Being called to come eat. Hello!!!!! who's tummy is it? Did I SAY I was hungry?
• Sharing a bowl of milk and pap with the cousins. Ay ya yayaya..... Why did these grownups hate hygiene mara?
• The steel cup.... WTH was that thing all about anyway?

Punishments:

• We had the sack at my and my friends house. if you messed up, you were put in a sack, tied up and she would choose a scare tactic to bring you to order. My gran would sometimes put the sack; feet first; in water. Or threaten to cook you. Anga and I have decided we are adopting this form of punishment, this idea just can't go to waste.
• Chores. If you were naughty you would be the dishwasher for the week. Instead of being grounded or sent to A room (we did not have our own separate ones) you would have to work hard.
• The Pinch. I wanna shout out and thank whoever outlawed physical punishment. My granny was master pincher. My thighs have never been so grateful as when my gran would put me in a sack than pinch me.

Fun Times:

Of Course there were fun times too.

• Stealing Granny's stash of peanuts.
• Story time. We would sit my the fire at night and the grownups would take turns telling us (not fairy) tales. and then try to send you to go get water in the "dark"
• Christmas time. We got to wear fancy clothes and eat all the sweets we wanted.
• When grandma would take me on holiday ( a relative's house) for school holidays
• Coming home after dark dirty dusty AF

Ohhhhh how I do wish I could go back, if only for the games we played, the carefreeness (I declare this a word, going forward). and most of all no bills, boys and decisions.

by Queen Troll

How to Stay Fit, Workout, Eat and Cheat!

Loulou and Ntombi have asked me to share what I do and what I know about clean food but I decided to combine it with fitness and other things. I will share what works for me and how to get and stay motivated.


DIETS DO'S AND DONT'S

FOOD is the most difficult thing for most of us!! we love it we want to eat and when we don't we feel we are depriving ourselves and so we talk ourselves into eating it because "we only live once", "this one time wont hurt me", "If I just get it out of the way I wont want it anymore" sound familiar? so here are a few tips on dieting and staying on track.

PLEASE DON'T DIET!. Dieting is insane and always ends up being harder than anticipated to stay on track for any length of time so stop it. Instead of dieting just change your eating habits because dieting is temporary but life changes are what will keep you in the state you want to be in always.

What you can Do: Stop eating fast food and drinking cool drink! Only drink WATER or fresh juice, replace  white rice with brown rice, add veggies to your lunch and supper, if you can't pronounce it don't buy it and don't eat it and try to buy organic, free range protein when possible. If you want to enjoy something when out with friends or when you feel the urge you can eat it in MODERATION and only once maybe twice a week. Try and avoid eating anything that is processed and honestly fresh and clean food always taste better.

When trying to lose weight remove the carbs except for good ones (usually found in veggies) and still allow yourself maybe corn for dinner or lunch or potatoes once or twice a week (usually during lunch) try to stay away from pasta and bread during these times but if NOT trying to lose weight and just maintaining you can eat what you want with a 80%-20% ratio; 80% clean and fresh 20% not so clean and fresh.

Here is a sample food day for me:

Breakfast: Juice (handful of spinach or kale, 1/2 lemon a small chunk of ginger and 1 apple) or Cantaloupe juice with a lemon wedge (it helps clear your skin) and if you eat eggs you can have 2 hard boiled eggs and 1 slice of whole wheat toast.

Lunch: I love salads and always add protein so a chicken or tuna salad.

Dinner: Lean steak and veggies or grilled chicken and veggies and if I feel I need something starchy I'll have brown rice or potatoes, brown rice and beans (3/4 cup rice only).

For my snacks I usually have a few almonds, yoghurt, crackers or dried fruit.

The thing to remember is to PUT MORE GOOD IN YOUR BODY THAN BAD! 

SUPPLEMENTS

Some bodies do not respond to cardio alone so if you know this you need to combine cardio with strength training. I run and I do a bit of strength training and because I do this I take just a few supplements, here is what I include for nutrition purposes during my training:

Betavit (Multivitamin)
Devils Claw(For joints)
Omega 3 (helps to retain water on your knees)
Calcium Complete the Clicks brand (for pain on your knees and ankles)

EXERCISE AND ROUTINES

You can do a million sit ups and crunches BUT if you don't EAT RIGHT you might as well give up. Abs come from what you eat and the muscles in your abs become visible from the loss of fat, the more fat you have in your belly the less you will see your abs. LOSE THE FAT, EAT FRESH AND CLEAN FOODS along with your full body workouts you will start to see your abs. I cant stress this enough, CLEAN AND FRESH FOOD = ABS. Yes, crunches and sit ups and hard ab work will shape increase and define your abs but if you don't eat the right foods you wont see the change, plain and simple.

We can discuss what to include kwi grocery list and different exercise routines kwi comments section otherwise the article will be too long....

By Anga

Forgiving others and letting go of grudges

Article courtesy of ThickNqo’s request. Growing up is a trap hey we all know that, if its not dealing with the harshness of the economy its having to deal with relationships of all manners, friendships, relatives, lovers, bloggers etc. And we rub each other the wrong way or we do get rubbed the wrong way, that’s all part of life and we just got to find a way to forgive, let go and keep it moving. Otherwise we will  be having lots of suicide and murder cases  nje.

 Forgiving yourself

This is the first thing that we have to deal with. Forgive yourself before attempting to forgive anybody else. We are not to blame for the bad things that happen to us, and you can’t beat yourself forever for the wrong decisions we take in life. I’ll give an example here that I once shared sometime ago. My baby daddy is the calmest person I know, he loved me, and gave me everything I ever needed or wanted. But what did I do, I let my furbing get ahead of me and I chose to chase a relationship with a person I thought was my soulmate (he wasn’t even 35 then, kiiiii). Needless to say that relationship did not last more than a year and I spent the first year of my baby’s life crying myself to sleep. I could beat myself up for that one mistake everyday, but no, I got to a point where I said, Ima, you have to let this go. We grow, we learn, we move on. It helps build your character, and it helps you open yourself up for better things.

Now , there are other sensitive matters, like for instance abuse at a younger age. Or rape. Or physical abuse from a partner. Some tend to blame themselves for letting such things happen to them, all I can say in this is, we are not responsible for the bad that other people do to us. Its not your fault, let the person who has wronged you deal with the guilt of their actions not you.

 Forgiving others and letting go of grudges

We’ve all been hurt in many deifferent serious ways. Some have mastered the art of moving on, but others hold on to the hurt and let it consume them. There’s a popular phrase that goes something like, hanging on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they did not hurt you, no, you actually need to acknowledge the hurt, but DECIDE to let it go. Forgiving is not an emotion, it is a choice, a decision that you make. What’s the point of hanging on to the anger and keeping yourself sad all the time that person appears, or something?  Choosing to carry a grudge forever keeps you from ever repairing the relationship and it keeps you a prisoner of that person. Long after you’ve forgotten what the other person actually did, you’re still focused on being mad at them because you’re stuck in that habit.

To be able to forgive others, it’s helpful to understand where they’re coming from. Like, try to put yourselves in that person’s shoes and see why they did what they did. In many cases, the person who wronged you might have acted completely out of character for some reason, and they might truly be sorry. It’s also possible that they don’t even know they did anything wrong! Now that does not excuse their actions, but, staying angry at them doesn’t help you in any way either. You have so much to lose because you shift focus from moving on with your life and try to find ways of making sure karma reaches their address. So in simple terms, (this has a potential of being a VERY long article so I’ll end it here), just forgive, and let go of anger, grudges etc, because it is the simplest thing to do. Ok, lets share more on the comments, I know you trolls won’t read something very long…

by Imanathi

My weekend in one paragraph

Welcome back bathong, happy Monday. I hope y'all enjoyed yourselves and everyone is well rested.

My weekend started on a high note. On Friday I finally got an order I made moons ago which contains stuff i am planning to give away as Xmas presents. I was starting to worry it might only arrive next a year. Got home and was slapped with news that mamazala is finally going back home so I helped her gather her belongings and we ferried her home. HELLO loud sex... I had forgotten what thrill this was. Stayed at home Saturday and read, like picked up a book and started reading just because the house is so much quieter because she took baby with her. I miss them now. I spent Sunday at mamazala's house and closed off the weekend by having dinner there.

I am ready to celebrate the end of this year though, can it just end? What did you guys do this weekend?

by Queen Troll

Feather Awards

On Wednesday night we attended the glamorous Feather Awards. I’ve attended the event consistently since 2012, and I can comfortably say the 2014 edition was the best one since I started going. In 2012, the awards were held at Melrose Arch’s The Venue. If you know The Venue, you will know that it is way too small for the number of people that attend these awards. For the 2013 edition, they took us to Kayalami’s Theatre on the Track.  As the venue suggests, we were in a theater with entertainment and awards then drinks, canapés after, and lots of dancing , I found the  sitting arrangement to be stampede(y), the entertainment here was baus.

The Chevrolet Feather Awards 2014 were held in kramerville, Sandton.  With a new sponsor, it was evident that they went all out, The venue was beautiful and the event certainly felt more formal this year compared to previous years. The décor was amazing with themed tables. I sat at a table named/themed Frank Ocean. Looking around, I noticed there was a table named Zackie Achmat somewhere in the mix, the outside was so heavenly, see picture below (picture quality is poor)… I can sit there the whole day and daydream, while sipping on something’nyana.

*there is fake grass (angazi ibizwani) here on the roof top and you get a view of Sandton

The invite said 6:30 for 7:00 pm, kodwa I think the event started just before 10pm;  I can say that,  was not much of a problem as we were happy drinking the happy juice and nibbling on finger food as there was plenty to go around – including nice and fresh seafood.

I think the show might have delayed because of some diva celebrity who was late but needed to present an award. Kabo ma10 we were then ordered to take our seats, then the starter was served, and the show began.

Our hosts were the fabulous Sade and Akhumzi.  Sade made a joke about how Akhumzi needed to join S.W.E.A.T 4000 tltltl! Speaking of SWEAT, it has certainly worked for Mika, but he needs to dress for his new body. He looked like he was hungry in those baggy clothes.

Yho! While on that thought, the eye candy in the house was on another level.  My eyes were thoroughly washed. Ngiwagezile amehlo shem, even though we know ke that 75% of the room was …what’s the correct word again?

The Isibaya guy  (boots guy), what’s his name is HOT bathong, and le height yadumela hleng!

And then off to performances, Madam Gigi took the stage and did a number that I thought was Frank Sinatra inspired. It must be said, Somgaga is very entertaining, even though shim had limited air time this year.

There were also performances by aboKabomo, Busiswa (siyaJaiva les’dudla shem), FB (the lady that does the nice Tsonga songs who also performed at the Sport’s awards a while back). There was also a performance by some lady with sangoma like hairstyle (I think it’s Wanda Baloi) but I could be wrong here.

With all this, I thought the entertainment was relatively average, although people seemed like they were having fun.

Sports Minister Fikile “Razzmatazz” Mbalula won the Sport’s Personality  Award, and made a speech about this and that - gaaning aan about nothing,hehehe! Remember the gay rumour between the minister and Julius?  They made a joke about that too, whoowee! Zero chill emuntwini I tell ya. Simphiwe Dana won in the category she was nominated in, but the awkward silence that followed the announcement of her name.  I was also wondering ukuthi Simphiwe socialite of the year? Where? Anyway, the goody bags were left in the loo. It was an envelope like thing with condoms and lubricants inside; I guess some got lucky that night. It was original, but not too impressive.

All in all, this was an A great event. A standard was set for the coming year.

Qondi

Office Year End Party Guide

Year end is near and so party mode's in gear. Even companies have come to play in making year end functions a thing; a must. Some companies go all out to show appreciation to their staff members for their performance throughout the year. I am talking cruises, company holidays with partners and all weekend parties at an out of town venue. Others just organise a party nyana but booze in all these is a number one item on the menu.

Sounds lovely, however, I have seen and heard how this can either become the best networking event or worst disaster on note. So I have penned down a few things to consider when attending your company's year end function. Please add your own in the comments section, let's help others keep their employments beyond the festive.

Do's:

• Remain professional. Even though you are not in the office, these people are still your colleagues. The line stays.
• Consider the clothes you pack or wear to these functions. It is very important to keep those bum shots for another occasion. However casual the do is said to be. Your boss & male colleagues do not need to know you have smooth thighs. It will only lead to disaster.
• Keep the intelligent facade rolling. just because you are not in the office doesn't mean the big shots are not watching. Apparently some of the best/biggest decisions on staff are made during office getaways.
• Stick to what you know. You are not with your girls who might carry you home should things go wrong so try not to try out alcoholic beverages that you usually steer clear of on a normal outing.
• Hold your consumption in your tummy. Puking is not cute, especially when done in public around people you work with in an environment where alcohol is being served. Whatever the reason may be, try to keep it down at all cost.

Don'ts:

• Try not to be greedy. This is not the time to drink as much as you can. Trust me when I say alcohol has no manners, you will regret it.
• Avoid getting too comfortable. When we are happy we sometimes forget ourselves. There is no need to sit on a colleague's lap or to booty hop especially if the company is a small one with less than 20 employees. You can't live that down by showing up in heels and a suit the next day.
• Do not go to a company year end function in hopes of getting drunk and confronting that colleague who has been the cause of your unhappiness throughout the year. This is not high school, behave.
• Please please, do not confess your feelings to that crush. Heheni, you can't be shelaring these men. Truth is, if you confess your love, he is likely to entertain you, shag you and when you get back to the office you might get egg on your face and have to embrace the new tittle of "office slut" for at least a year.

by Queen Troll

Self service loving‏

So a little self service from me. I have tried to divide it in different categories and also gave tips on how to achieve this with your partner. The aim for masturbation is to help you know and understand your body, so you can guide your partner to taking you to cloud nine! Your man likes to see you climax! Its a different high for him and makes his experience making live/sexing/phucking even more mind blowing!  5 different ways to self service. 

P.S this is my opinion, not scientifically, psychologically or medically proven.

1. In public love

- This is when you do the number 8 cross legged sitting position, for bigger girls, you can use the chair or table leg to assist in getting this position right, put in some pressure on your clit by squeezing thighs together tight, make different movements, using both legs and hip... You need to be discreet though... Try this at home first before doing this in public... Meetings aka troll sessions will never be boring ever again! Panty liner is your friend to suck in the juices after...  

2. I am lazy love

- This is just clit stimulation.... That little been is a firecracker! Rub on it with a some pressure from top to bottom, and sometimes squeeze it from the side in a pleasurable way! This is quicker when already stimulated by some great porn! It can take less than 10 seconds! This is for those with men not so gifted down there, it will get your there with his cheese curl.

3. G-Spot love

- Know your g spot!! It is so close to entry, just by you bladder, it feels a but rougher than the rest of your vagina... Cares it, sometimes you will feel like you want yo pee... To fully get this right you need to be fully in the moment, the feeling is like an echoe! I found g spot to be easily accessible when doing doggy with my partner, or when i am on top, up right position, then leaning back holding on to his knees (not reverse cowgirl, normal cow girl)

4. Double trouble love

- Now this is my fav... You get to stimulate both g- spot and clit at the same damn time! Insert index finger to touch g spot and in circular motions while pressing on and rubbing your clit! Thus is magical if you can control both climaxes to happen at once! It takes alot of practice, because you can feel bit come along, and you can control the pressure on both spots... This you cab apply easily with your man... Laying on solid platform, close your legs, let him enter ensuring he his erect penis is pressing on your clit, he must not move, you then do sliding movements, not the up down movement, this will get both of you all teary! 

5. Dont wanna get dirty

- Use anything solid that can rub against your clit area, e.g folded socks, rolled up vest/ T-shirt. Place it on the tip of your clit area, and slowly hump in it from top to bottom, and sometime hold fir a few seconds to let the moment in... You can do this with clothes on! Easily achieve this dry humping on your man during foreplay, chilling on the couch... Lay on top if his erect penis and rub on him, clothes on and everything....

Make sure you wash your hands before and after. Dirty hands can give you infections!

Yours,

Self service doctor aka Makhadzi Fufzin

Live versus Online Shopping

As a woman, nothing beats going shopping. The sense of smell, touch and feel of items in the shops, all just sitting there and waiting for you to come exhaust your financial options. Be it a credit, debit card or cash. The feeling of handing over your money in return for an item you most probably don't need. The excitement of seeing "up to 75% off" written on a store window. Searching through various items in rails and shelves to find that one perfect item you had no desire of buying when you left home. *sigh* The adrenaline of it all. It all just brings a sense of pleasure to my thoughts.

On the other hand, convenience has become the thing. The thought of sitting on a chair in your home/office. Browsing through a number of items on the interweb, selecting desired items and have them magically arriving at your doorstep without you having to leave the comfort of your selected area. Mind you, you could perform transactions without having to leave your bed, taking a bath or even naked. This way of shopping does not limit you, it can be used to buy clothes, furniture, food and even a car. There is an option to virtually tour stores and homes if you are looking to buy. With this option in mind, why bother getting stuck in traffic just to get dinner when you can just click click and someone else will take the trouble of dealing with traffic on your behalf and before you know it, dinner is served without having to leave the house or going trough the troubles of trying to strap little Johny into that car seat he hates so much.

I must say, I have become quite comfortable in doing everything online. Even become lazy that if I can't get it online I would rather do without. Yes, I have had cons to online shopping. Things like shoes not fitting due to the style of the shoe and sometimes the quality being less than what I expected. I have become anal about standing in ques, even if there are just 3 people ahead of me. Don't get me started on crowds in shops during sales season. so for these reasons I choose online transactions.

However, I do realise that nothing beats personal interactions. having a real person to transact with, someone to talk to and get advise on a one on one basis. Also on the quality issue, it is sometimes better to touch and see exactly what you are getting.

Which method do you ladies prefer?

by Queen Troll

My Weekend in one paragraph

Happy Monday guys, hope you had a fabulous weekend.

Mine started off slow but ended on  high. Well sort of. The girls and I went to the Sanlam HMC Exhibition in Hyde Park yesterday. What fun we had. Champagne, Oysters & hautness were the order of the day. I was not ready to have that much of an open mind so I missed out on the oysters, but I must say the girls know how to kick their heels and enjoy le Good life. Got home and had to attend to a massive headache that must have been triggered by the heat and champagne. #Newbies

What did you guys get up to?

by Queen Troll

News that grabbed my attention this week

TGIF, I am bushed. I just wanna knock off and go sleep nje... Don't know why I am always tired, it must be the summer. Anyway, here's what caught my attention in the news this week.

4 suspects were nabbed for tying up the cops, robbing them of their weapon, putting them in the back of a police van and fleeing leaving the cops in there. All this happened  in full view of people in front of a food caravan in Thembisa.  it actually has me worrying, stru... Just how trained are our boys in blue? How is it that they were not equipped with some kind of skill to handle this? Basically it has mw thinking thugs can just grab guns from cops in the streets and just run. Very clumsy I tell ya

2 South African boys that were found living in the streets of Brazil were brought home this week. It is said that their mother is in jail serving a sentence for a drug trafficking related charges. So I take it these women are not prepared to learn how quick money never ever pays.... These women make me mad because they insist on being drug mules just to score a quick buck, despite the fact that the consequences are  gonna affect their loves ones badly. Dump decision making nje

The Diwani case is still on, and now the suspect Zola Tongo to have sang like a canary in his new home behind bars. He is said to have told a cellmate that he was advised to frame Shrien for the murder of his wife etc etc. My issue here is that an inmate is now going to be made a witness in a case he is not jailed for. Why is this turning into a he said circus kanti?

Hayi bafethu, it seems gins are also the new desciplinary way... Everyday in the news there is a report of a shooting. Can we just calm down?

Anyway, lets trollpix away. Today we are trollpicing our baby snaps or even Sammie (Senzo's dad's carlfie. ) lemme go hustle for a photographer to "shoot" me

By Queen Troll

Handling The Green Eyed Monster

 A few months back, my boyfriend and I went to an evening event and instead of getting dressed up, I wore a more casual outfit that I felt really good about. Once we arrived though, that feeling dissipated immediately and the longer we were there, the more critical I became of myself. I examined every other girl around me, kicking myself because their braids were prettier, dresses were cooler, and lipsticks applied expertly. It made me dislike my outfit (and in turn myself) even more. Besides the fact that I looked like a certifiable creep while I stood there silently scrutinizing, I was full-on indulging one of the ugliest qualities there is: jealousy.

When I'm feeling my best and leading a balanced life, I don't let what others are doing impact me in a negative way. It boils down to the fact that when I'm fulfilled, there's less room for insecurities to rear their ugly head. I'm more focused on things that make me happy. But for those times when I'm discouraged or am simply having a bad day, it's easy to get wrapped up in feelings of envy when I start comparing myself to others, particularly online. Whether it's someone else's picture-perfect Pinterest board, Instagram or amazing vacation photos, I experience pangs of jealousy now and again. However, it's what I do with those feelings that defines me. 

I now acknowledge when I'm feeling jealous, and then try to assess what is out of whack in my life that is causing me to pick myself apart so harshly. Have I been feeling bad about not exercising? Or perhaps I'm feeling uninspired with work? Whatever it is, I know that jealousy begins and ends with my own self-worth and happiness. There will always be someone who is smarter, funnier, prettier and more successful than I am, but retaining a sense of positive perspective is the key to my happiness. I try to shift from pinpointing the things that I should be doing better to the things I do well. And somewhere in the process of changing my perspective, I find that my jealousy slowly fades away.

by Muhlez