Thursday 19 March 2015

Family Gatherings

You can't choose your family. If you could you'd probably choose Patrice Motsepe to be your dad or Jessica Nkosi to be your sister. You can’t change the one you have, either. We’ve all tried to.

Family. We all have one. Family is globally known as the entity of people whose sole reason of existence is to annoy you. No matter in what country you  live, your family is right there beside you and trying to drive you crazy.

Let’s talk about family get togethers now that we’ve just recovered from Christmas Holidays and approaching Easter. Here's a discussion guaranteed to make yours better by comparison:

My family does not have one disruptive, dysfunctional, spoiled, bullying person. 

We have entire households full of them. Let me start with my husband’s family

My sister in-laws kids neh, with only two exceptions, every single little boy in that family is a brat. Spoiled beyond belief, catered to and thoroughly believing they are a special little snowflake who can do no wrong. Every gathering, they roll out their priciest toy, and blithely and completely refuse to share. Ever. They get angry and yell when made to, bully other children into sharing and hit them when they refuse. 

That's just the boys. The 3 girls are all just above toddler, but all far enough apart to have been the "baby girl" at one point. All have to be the centre of attention. All night. For everyone. They dance in front of the television, caper across the floor beneath paper plates and open top cups without a care for watching where they go, and have never, ever even heard the word "Interrupt" less have any understanding of its meaning. 

Of course, that's just my husband’s side. 

My 28 year old sister is lazy beyond belief. Dropped out of school with 3 months to go. Yes, she could have had her diploma in 3 months. Just 90 days. And she quit. She cannot hold a job for more than 3 months when she can get one at all. And my Mom enables all this, claiming it’s not her fault, she can’t help being bored with school (3 months before graduation) and she didn’t deserve to have to stay there if she didn’t want. She can do no wrong in my Mother's muddled mind.

And my uncle who always looks like he wants to murder someone. That one is always sharpening knives while everyone else is drinking and having a good time. He once asked me if he can visit me and I stay 600km away from home. How do you think that discussion went, seeing as I am still alive and was not shot (in what would have been perhaps the most open and shut case of "Justifiable Homicide" ever, had he visited me). 

My brother's kids are entirely and completely dysfunctional. Not their fault. Abusive mother whom my brother has divorced. Also, she turned out to be a slut, and that's where money from his 23 years of government service went. All of it. The money, I mean - so they have nothing. And his kids are just learning to be human - sadly, I mean that literally - at the ages of about 3, 8 and 9, respectively. 

I don't stay long at family gatherings. On either side. And we make a point of never, ever even trying for combined gatherings. Ever. For obvious reasons.

So, how are your family get togethers, again?

By Silent Blogger